The Muddy Conclusion

Here's the video that Tough Mudder made. They make one for each event. Pause at 00:15 and you'll see me. :) (Upside down...)

When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Get Muddy! (pt 2)

For my avid followers (all 2 of you) you will know that this last weekend was the event of a lifetime. I participated in the TOUGH MUDDER! (Most of the pictures below are ones of random people that I borrowed from Tough Mudder on facebook. I will post some of me later.)

Tough Mudder markets their event as "10-12 miles of hell" and that's about what it was. This was the most awesome, fulfilling, difficult, unique thing I have ever done. And the most painful by far. Was it worth it? Words cannot express how "worth it" it was.

I will, below, give a review of the event overall, as well as a review of each obstacle. The first (ish) paragraph of each obstacle will be my personal feelings and thoughts. For those of you reading this for tips, pay attention to the second (ish) paragraph of each review.

Saturday morning I woke up at 4 AM and drove to my friend Nathanael's house for breakfast of eggs and toast. At 5, we met up with his Army buddies and took off for Tooele, UT. I, myself, am not military, which is obvious when you compare my level of fitness to that of my teammates. But, as you will see, they were very helpful and understanding through the entire ordeal.

We arrived at the course at roughly 7 AM. It was windy and a balmy 45 degrees. Needless to say, we were cold and shivering while we jumped and danced and stretched for an hour, trying to keep warm.

My Team! From left to right: Shaun "Grizzly" Adams, Myself ("Argonaut"), Duke "Nukem", Nathanel "Nith-Animal" Hall, and Brady "Bean Pole" Ludden in front. 

Our heat started at 8:20. By now, thankfully, the sun had come out and was warming us through our dry-fit clothes. I will explain later how the clothing was essential for my success.

Tips for clothing: I was wearing cross-trainer shoes with good grip, but also very light-weight and good for running. I would DEFINITELY suggest running shoes for this, but get some that are worn in and that you can thrash, but that have good traction. 
I wore thin, acrylic "church" socks underneath a pair of cotton/poly Adidas ankle/compression socks. This helped protect from blisters, and helped my feet dry quickly, but also have some cushion.
I then wore a pair of compression boxer briefs (kept me warm and dried quickly) with a pair of running shorts.
My next genius idea was the neoprene wetsuit vest I wore. I purchased this for $40 on Amazon and it saved my life. Keep in mind, this was a cold event with cold water. The vest, coupled with a long-sleeve dry-fit shirt was what made this outfit work. 
We all wore a white T-Shirt over the top with our team name and call-sign. (Never wear cotton for a cold event, btw. Bad idea)
I also wore cheap rubberized gloves that I had cut the tips off of. There is a lot of debate as to whether you should wear gloves or not. I vote for them, as you will see later on.

We all started with a cheer and a sprint out into the crisp, sunny morning. One half-mile later, we came to the first obstacle.

I'm behind Duke and Nathanael is somewhere up front.

Kiss Of Mud #1:
This was, by far one of the hardest events for me. It seemed so easy... Army-crawl through mud under barbed wire. Simple, right? No Sir. This one was a gasser. By the time I got out on the other side, I was so tired that the next 2 miles were sheer torture to run.

I would recommend working your obliques and other core muscles for this one. Make sure you can easily army crawl for a good 50 feet without getting winded, or this one will hurt... As it did me.

After another 1/4 mile came the most dreaded event any of us could imagine...

The Arctic Enema:
I had prepared mentally for this one, but I was still scared out of my gourd. They take a large, industrial-sized dumpster (you know, the kind people use when some old guy dies in his house and they have to clear out all of his junk and newspapers he's kept since the 30's?) and they fill it up 3/4 of the way with water. The last 1/4 they fill with, ready? ICE. The website says they like to keep the water at a pleasant 34 degrees. Oh, they also put a bright coloring agent in there, just to make it fun! Yay!
I will be honest, just the thought of plunging into ice water when it was 45 degrees outside made me chill. But it was not as bad as I thought it would be. I ran up the ladder to my teammates cheering and Nathanael saying we'd do it together. We jumped in, I gasped and hyperventilated a bit, sucked it up, and pushed my head under the water (under a wooden beam you must swim under) and came out on the other side. My muscles were beginning to cramp a little, but the adrenaline was pumping so fiercely that I didn't even notice. Oh, don't get me wrong, it was COLD! But I was in an out so fast that it didn't do nearly the damage I thought it would. (Thank goodness I had that wetsuit on.) I warmed back up pretty quickly once I started jogging again, considering the sun was out.

 I would definitely recommend a wetsuit if you are running this in the cold. Otherwise, just suck it up and jump in. If you can bring yourself to do it, it may be a good idea to "shallow dive" in, so that when you come up and start hyperventilating, you're already on the other side of the bar, and don't have to psych yourself up to go under again. That's an untested theory, so don't blame me if you die.

After another brutal run up and down the sides of various ravines, we were easily warmed back up. The majority of the running track was an ATV track, so it was fairly well-marked and packed down; however, it was also very hilly.
By this point, I was already pretty tired, and was still hurting from the Kiss of Mud. Then came the walls.

Berlin Walls #1:
Two 10 ft walls over which you must climb. This was fairly straightforward, but would have been impossible for me, had I not had such an awesome team. The boosted me, and I was up and over. On the second wall, I was a little careless as I straddled the top, and may have injured my... well, let's just say I was in pain for a few minutes after that.

These would be easy for anyone who can do multiple pull-ups. Make sure to let yourself down gently and then drop from a hanging position. Do not jump off or go too quickly. Many ankles have been bested on these walls.

A short run later, we came to the first aid station where there was water, and then another run to the next event. 

Bale Bonds:
A stack of round hay bales that were loose and muddy. Not too difficult, just up and over.

Either take a running start and just go for it, or take it slowly and find sure footing. Either way is fine. Just don't "slide" down the other side. I did this, and was rewarded with a "crack-full" of hay. Not comfortable...

Hold Your Wood:
Grab some wood and run/walk a quarter mile. I was with my team, so we grabbed a long log and carried it together. This one was pretty rough for me, being that I was easily the tallest person on the team. This meant that I was either carrying most of the weight myself or I was walking on my "haunches" (squatted down a little... This is VERY tiring, very quickly) so, I did the best I could and I helped as people switched sides and whatnot.
My favorite part was a sign saying "Spartan Race ends here. But this is the Tough Mudder, and you have just begun!"

Pretty simple stuff. Make sure you can carry something heavy. If you're on your own, you'll be carrying a smaller section of log. Switch positions and carrying styles to work different muscles and reduce fatigue.

The next running section was different. This is where the trail ran off course. We began running through sagebrush and gopher holes. Also strewn about were various animal skeletons and other debris. The next event was:

Kiss Of Mud #2:
Again, same deal here. This was a gasser. The mud wasn't nearly as wet here though, and it was basically just cold, damp dirt. But the run to the next event was just as hard after completion.

There was another aid station here. They had water and bananas, which was a huge help. Next up:

King Of The Mountain:
I will admit, I was disappointed by this one. It was a 4-tiered "ziggurat" of square hay bales. Again, up and over. Not too hard or creative. I can't say I wasn't happy though, as I was pretty dang tired by this point. I had run myself to the point where my vision was swimming and I couldn't see straight. How far were we? Oh, about 4 miles. Not even close to being done yet.

Again, try not to slide down the other side. Hay in shorts=uncomfortable

After a run that almost did me in, came:


Trench Warfare:
This was actually kind of nice. We went down on hands and knees into trenches just big enough to crawl though. It was dark, cool, and quiet; this was different from everything so far, so it was a nice break.
A little scary if you're claustrophobic, but not bad for me. At one point, I did "wedge" myself in there with my butt on the ceiling and my knees in the dirt, but un-wedging was pretty easy.

Don't panic. If you can't stand small spaces, go around this one. It wasn't muddy, but it was cramped. Try to stay close to your team or the person in front of you, and ask if you can hold on to their ankles. There are some turns, so watch out.
Also, if you start getting tired of crawling, turn onto your back. You can then use your legs to push yourself through and use your hands to grip the sides and ceiling. This was a nice change for me about halfway through. Again, works your core muscles. Wear knee-pads if you're concerned about rocks. Tooele is just dust though, so it wasn't bad.

Dirty Ballerina:
This one is described as being 4-ft wide trenches filled with mud, over which you must jump. What it ended up being was actually 6-ft trenches filled with muddy water, into which you must jump, then slog to the other side and pull yourself out onto a muddy platform. This process was repeated about 8 times, I think.
By this point, I was ready to keel over. About halfway through this obstacle, I wobbled and almost fell down or passed out, or whatever. But I just kept on going. After what I had paid for this and how long I had trained, I wasn't going to quit or whine just because I was tired. Just keep on pushing...

Again, a very helpful event to have team members for. You'll be grateful when they are there to pull you out of each trench. Also, return the favor. Turn around the help the guy behind you. You'll get some extra energy and good karma. :)

This was about the halfway point. However, the
second half was not nearly as easy as the first.
After another aid station (water and "Sharkies" electrolyte gummies) and another mile of jog/walking, came:

Lumberjacked:
This one wasn't too bad. They had 4 logs (looooong ones) set up on stilts. You had to jump and grab on, then swing your body over. Each one was progressively higher than the one before it. Roughly 4 ft high, then 5, then 6, etc. I'm guessing here, I don't know how high they were, but I made it through without too much trouble, and was onto the next event.

Just be careful coming down. Don't want any busted ankles or anything.

After Mile 7 was the next obstacle.

Electric Eel:
This is the first of two obstacles involving live wires which hang down and randomly zap you at arbitrary intervals. I was so scared and excited and exhausted by this point, that I knew I wouldn't make it through unless I just went for it. I threw myself under the barbed wire. There was a "slip-n-slide"-like barrier of plastic and the second half was filled with water. This made moving along actually quite easy and didn't kill my core nearly as much. I think I got zapped on my calf, but if I did, I didn't feel it. I was moving so fast and so pumped full of adrenaline that I made it to the other end, not even knowing whether I'd been shocked or not.
These wires carried up to 10,000 volts, but that honestly doesn't mean anything unless you take Amps into account as well. I have no idea, but I'm told it was like a heavy shock from a wall outlet.



The water felt great at this point, as I was quite hot from the sun and the wetsuit. But then, it clouded over. "Cue the shivering cold!"

Balls To The Wall:
This was a new, "mystery" event. Each Mudder course has one or two obstacles which they just throw on you as a surprise. Yay! I love surprises!
This was a 30 ft wall, which tapered at the top, and had a few 1X4's nailed to it for grip. There were ropes with knots hanging down, draped across the top. You had to time yourself so that you went up as the other person went down, or you'd end up falling a bit as they let go on the other side. This was tiring, and a bit scary, as it was fairly high up, but I made it through without any real hitches.

This was one of a few events where the gloves came in very handy. The ropes were coarse and the wood was rough. Even with the gloves, when I got down, my hands were on fire and throbbing from the ropes and gripping the wood and whatnot. My hands were pretty cold at this point, so they would have been hurting anyway, but the gloves GREATLY reduced the pain. I ended up taking them off from time to time though, to let my hands dry and warm up.

Mud Mile:
This obstacle was one of my favorites. Though I was winded, dead, sore, and exhausted, this obstacle was the best show of teamwork and camaraderie I had seen up to this point. There were-- maybe 10?-- mud hills, separated by trenches full of, you guessed it, freezing, muddy water. The ONLY way to complete this event was with teamwork. I jumped in, and slogged over to the first hill. The only way to do this was to jump as high as you could and hope the person at the top of the hill could grab your slick, muddy hand and hold on long enough for you to pull yourself onto the hill. Then between the two, or three, or four, of you, pull yourself to the top, and back down into the next trench. What seemed like an eternity later, we pulled ourselves out of the last muddy trench and moved onward.

See? Like This!

PLEASE clip your fingernails prior to this event. Okay, having said that, the best way to grip a muddy hand is NOT the "man handshake" way that most would think. Grip the person you are helping or that is helping you, like you're about to have a thumb-war. This was the only way we could get a firm grip with all the slippery mud and water. Gloves helped little here, because everything was caked in mud anyway. Also, make sure to tie your shoes TIGHT before this obstacle.






Just after mile 8 was the dreaded...




Boa Constricter:
I was scared to death of this one... until I got there. By the time I got here, I was too exhausted to be scared. Ready? Throw yourself into a 30 ft tube, just big enough to "slither" into. Then pull yourself down into cold water, and out of the pipe. I was now floating in ice-cold water on my stomach. I pulled myself over to the next pipe, forced myself down and into it, the water coming up to my neck. Then, hyperventilating, up through the pipe and out. Doesn't sound too bad, but it was harder than it looked.
You can employ the same tactic here as in "trench warfare." If you like, flip onto your back to use your legs to push you along the pipe. You won't need to do this on the way down, because you basically slide into the water. However, it is slick on the way up, so it becomes difficult to maneuver your way out.

Here again was another water and banana stop, sorely needed at this point. Granted, my water had almost as much mud in it as the tranches, but I drank it down anyway. Then another mile of run/walking. At this point, it was getting pretty chilly as the sun had disappeared behind the cloud cover. One of our teammates became a casualty as he had to leave for the First Aid tent where they took his temperature at 90 degrees. He was shaking uncontrollably and was given an IV and a blanket. He was a trooper though, and we totally count him among the Tough Mudders. He was leading our team almost the whole time.

After another long run was:

Berlin Walls #2:
The second installment of this obstacle was no second-cousin.. We're talking the 12 ft Grand-daddy. On this one, there was a small "ledge" (probably an inch or less) on which you could try and stand while your teammates boosted you up until I could pull myself over. We then had to straddle the wall and reach down to help the next person up. This was not as easily done either, as we were all shivering and cold by this point.
After dropping down on the other side, which killed our feet, we repeated the process on another wall.

Again, gloves made this so much easier on my already throbbing hands. Also at this point, I was thanking my lucky stars I had on my vest, as everyone else was shivering like crazy.

We had very little time to warm up by jogging before we came to something very demotivating...

Cliffhanger:
This is a steep, MUDDY hill where the only way to make it up is to form chains of people and slowly inch your way up. Also, at the bottom is a HUGE, neck-high trench of water. Just to make sure you're extra good and muddy and cold. We waited in line for this one for a bit and noticed that the bottom 10 feet of the hill had been eroded so far, that there was NO grip at all. The line was beginning to back up and we were left the shivering, cold, tired, and demotivated. This is when they gave us a ray of light. The dropped a cargo net about 15 feet or so down the hill. Now all we had to do was get high enough to grab on and we could pull ourselves up. Also, they began blasting "Eye Of The Tiger". This was enough to motivate and pump up anyone! We all splashed into the water and just pushed ourselves up the hill. Good stuff. That was fun.

When you use a cargo net, pull yourself up by your hand, then place your feet int the net where your hands were. This will prevent you from tripping yourself and will ensure your feet have something to hold onto.

After mile 10, another water and banana station, and many tired, shivering people, we came to the next obstacle.

Funky Monkey:
This obstacle apparently has an 80-90% fail rate. It is a set of monkey bars suspended above, yep, freezing cold water. The bars incline and then decline like an upside-down "v". Also,they do us the favor of buttering (literally) and greasing them up. Also, some of the bars spin freely. Also, this event is toward the end when everyone's already shot. Can you blame me for just jumping into the water and swimming across? A couple other people on my team did before me, so I knew if they couldn't do it, I couldn't. That doesn't mean the water was any less inviting or easy to cross.

If you do attempt this one, I have heard that keeping your arms at a 90 degree angle and bicycle-kicking your way through is a good way to get across. Keep a firm, tight grip. Some people also try to do it sideways or they use the wood instead of the bars. However you choose, good luck!

 Just the Tip:
The name of this one is obviously meant to be sarcastic. I walked up to it, knowing it would end with me in the water. You must "sidle" along a wall, with only an inch or so for your toes to grip (covered in mud, of course.) and only 2 inches of a ledge for your fingers to hold onto. Halfway in, this little walkway reduces to about a half inch or so. Rendering crossing next to impossible. Most people, including me, just fall in at this point. BTW, the water was more than 6 feet deep here. I fell in and had nothing to push off of, and just had to tread water to the edge. This was the perfect moment for my left thigh to begin cramping. I pulled myself out and stretched it and continued running.

I later saw some people climb up onto the top of this one. They used the "handrail" for their feet and just held on to the top of the wall. Watch for nails though!

 Wounded Warrior Carry:

Luckily, for me, not him, there was a small guy on our team. You have to pick up a fellow team member and carry him about 100 yards, then you switch and he carries you. I got the small guy, but he was Army Tough and carried me first. Like a champ. No issues here, just had to push through it.

They recommend a "fireman carry" here, but piggy back was easier for me...

Walk The Plank:
This one was fun. Hard, but fun. Much like "Balls to the wall", I had to climb up a wall with very little grip. No ropes this time, but it was angled a little. After some teammate help and much grunting and straining, I pulled myself onto a platform looking down on a pool of water... 20 feet down. Doesn't sound that far? You get up there in the cold wind with mud in every orifice of your body and every muscle screaming in protest, and you tell me it doesn't look far. Well, all that was left to do... was jump... So I did. Plunging into the freezing water below, struggling to get back up, take a gasping breath, and pull yourself to shore. :)

My only advice here is don't be a jerk. Help the people behind you and then turn off your brain. Just jump. Don't think. Just jump.

Everest:
Don't you dare judge me. I skipped this one. Honestly? As if the sight of a 15ft high quarter pipe that has been muddied, greased, buttered, and wetted doesn't sound daunting enough... The line was WAY too long. there people making 5th and 6th attempts at this. Not even my Army Tough teammates thought this one looked like a good idea. Probably just an injury waiting to happen.

Don't let my weakness keep you back. They say to make a chain of mudders up the pipe to get the top person there, then everyone runs up and grabs for your hands... Good luck is all I can say.

The running is pretty much over. The finish line is in sight... We're at 11.5 miles and ready to collapse in a pile of blankets and protein shakes... when you see it...

Electroshock Therapy:
Dun Dun DUN! Okay, this one gets a lot of publicity. Again, 10,000 Volts means nothing unless you know the amperage. But I will tell you this. Hearing the "arc"ing of the shocks and seeing my friend Nathanael go down at the very beginning of this obstacle was enough to make me have serious doubts... (He practically ate a bale of hay and blacked out for a good 2 seconds before he got back up and finished.)
This obstacles consists of a stretch of mud with two rows of hay bales.  Blocking your view of the finish line here are hundreds of yellow, live wires hanging down and waving, ever so innocently, in the breeze.
I made a dire mistake here. I hesitated... Every obstacle up to this point, I kept telling myself there was no way I could or would do it, but by the time I got to it, I just turned off my brain, didn't think about it, and dove in. Then, by the time I realized what I was doing, I was already halfway through it, so I had to finish.
For this one? Not so, Electro...
I finally steeled myself and took a running start. I hopped the first bale of hay and felt something sting my shoulder. It hurt. A lot. But I kept running. Or so I thought. Within 2 seconds of the sting, my legs had buckled and my body convulsed as I crumpled into the mud. I laid there for a second, knowing if I got back up, there would be more to follow. I tried to pull myself up onto my hands and knees, but another smack of charged electrons sent me back down into the mud. That one hurt even more. (I have a welt! How cool is that?!) So, I decided that army crawling my way out was the best course of action. I pulled myself  over the lip of mud and slid down into a pile of more mud. I laid there groaning and turned onto my back and, for a good 5 seconds... just wallowed. It felt so good to lie there in the mud.... But I couldn't for long, because the finish line was just feet away. I got up and crossed to a cheering team and a volunteer donning me with my own bright orange headband.
It was over.

My first advice is just run as fast as you can. Electricity affects everyone differently and some people barely feel anything, while others black out. If  you're not tough enough, then don't do it. But remember, you payed a lot of money and trained a long time for this. Don't let your fears overcome your ability to push yourself. The reward is great.
Try to take long strides. The more your feet are in the air, the less the electricity will want to "ground" to you. Also, do not open your mouth... I saw a guy get shocked in the teeth... That can't have been fun.

This was awesome. There were people standing everywhere, running to our aid as we crossed. There was a flash of emergency blankets, protein shakes, free goodies, and showers as I made my way, slowly and tenderly, back to the truck.

I can't thank my team enough for sticking it out with me and letting me keep up. They cheered me, they boosted me, and they didn't give up on me. They are the reason this was such a blast. It was NOT easy and it was very painful. But this experience taught me something about myself, which I knew it would. I can push through anything if I just have the mindset to do so.

I would do this event again and again. I'm definitely signing up for next year. This time, it'll be in June though. That'll be nice.